Are you getting tired of telling the driver behind you toSave the Pygmy Hippos? Or maybe you’re thinking that it’s time to scrape off thatRe-Elect Carter 1980bumper-sticker?

Well, allow me to offer 10 Russianостроты(“格言;俏皮话;妙语”),会是完美的for a custom-made bumper-sticker. Or a(нагрудный) значок(“pin-on lapel button”). Or even aтатуировка— but remember that it costs quite a lot to have an unwanted tattoo lasered off.

As far as I know, incidentally, there isn’t a specific Russian word for “bumpersticker.” The wordнаклейкаmeans “adhesive sticker applied for decoration” or “a decal”. And the termавтонаклейкаis a “car decal,” but it can refer to large ones that are intended for the rear windshield or doors.

Anyway, on with the list.

For free-speech supporters and those with generally libertarian sentiments, here’s a classic fromЕкатерина II (Великая)(Catherine II, aka the Great):

1. С идеями пушками не воюют.
Ideas are not to be fought with cannons.

Grammar point: after verbs that mean “to fight,” such asвоевать, the adversary/foe can be expressed either withс кем/чем(instrumental) orпротив кого/чего(genitive). So«Против идей пушками не воюют»would mean the same thing, but it loses the semi-rhyme of«идеями пушками».

Of course, whileЕкатерина Великаяreally was a personal admirer of the European Enlightenment and a regular pen-pal of Voltaire, at home she was far from libertarian, and historians have criticized her unwillingness to take any steps towards the ending of serfdom.

2.Если людоед пользуется вилкой и ножом — развеэто прогресс?
If a cannibal uses a fork and knife — is that progress?

Don’t forget that the verbпользоваться(“to use”) takes an instrumental object, while the synonymous verbsиспользоватьandупотреблять/употребитьtake the accusative.

This observation about well-mannered cannibals is one of the all-time pithiest quotes by Polish writerСтанислав Ежи Лец(Stanisław Jerzy Lec), a highly prolific author of quips and aphorisms who gets nine full pages at thisexcellent Russian-language collection of notable quotes. (But don’t confuse him with Polish sci-fi writerСтанислав Лем(Stanisław Lem), best known forSolaris.)

As I said, Mr. Lec offers a goldmine of clever observations to choose from, but here’s another one of his that I like:

3. Даже измечтыможно сварить варенье,если добавить фруктов и сахару.
You can make jam out of nothing but a daydream, so long as you add a bit of fruit and sugar.

Or, as we might say in English, “Your good intentions plus fifty cents will buy you a cup of coffee.”

The remaining slogans in the post are of less certain authorship — some came from an online list credited toUkrainian-born satiristМихаил Жванецкий, but it wasn’t clear to me if he originated all of them or just liked to quote them.

4. Любого автомобиля хватит до концажизни,еслиездить достаточно лихо.
Any car can last for the rest of your life, if you drive recklessly enough.

Depending on the context, the adjectiveлихойcan mean either “daring; showing bravado” or “excessively reckless.” And the nounлихачmeans “a reckless driver.” Also, as a point of grammar, let’s take a closer look at this phrase:

любого автомобиля хватит

Here, the verbхватать/хватить, “to suffice, be enough” is in its 3rd-singular future perfect form — “it will be enough” — although we can use a present-tense construction in English. And the person/thing/substance that there is enough of is expressed with the genitive — thus,автомобиля. Also, for example,Мне времени не хватает, “I don’t have enough time,” literally “It isn’t enough of time for me.”

If, like me, you are prone to«тянуть канитель»(i.e., toprocrastinate), here’s a bumper-aphorism that may motivate you to carpe diem:

5. В любом из нас спит гений. И с каждым днём всё крепче…
In each and every one of us, Genius sleeps. And with each passing day, it sleeps all the more soundly…

The language in this one is simple and straightforward. However, take note of the phraseвсё крепче. Generally speaking, usingвсёwith an adjective or adverbin the comparative degreegives the meaning “all the more X” or “more and more X-ly.” Thus,режеis “rarer” or “more rarely”, andвсё режеwould be “more and more rarely.”

6. Костюм “Евы” мнеочень идёт, только ушить нужно кое-где.
I look really good in my Eve costume (i.e., “birthday suit”) — it just needs to be taken in here and there.

Presumably, this would be on a car driven by a woman — for a male driver, it would beкостюм “Адама”(“an Adam suit”), but otherwise the phrasing stays exactly the same. And what about that pronounкое-где? Essentially, it means the same thing asв некоторых местах, “in certain places.” And, in general, when the prefixкое-is attached to an interrogative pronoun, it adds the meaning of “certain ones” or “some, but not all”.

когда-то— “at some time; once”
кое-когда— “at certain times; now and then”
когда-нибудь— “at any time; ever”

In other words,кое-is a bit less definite than the suffix-то, but a bit more definite than-нибудь.

7. Обидно, когдатвоимечтысбываются у других!
It’s so annoying when your fantasies come true for other people!

Note thatобижать/обидетьis “to offend,” andобидноcan therefore mean “offensive.” But sometimes, as here, it’s better translated with such English expressions as “It’s annoying”, “It’s frustrating”, “It gets on your nerves”, etc.

8. Чистая совесть – признакплохойпамяти.
A clean conscience is a symptom that your memory is faulty.

Once again, the grammar is quite simple. I chose this one not only because it’s wryly funny, but because I sometimes getсовесть, “conscience”, mixed up withсознание, “consciousness.” Here are a few related expressions:

на совести— on one’s conscience (Это лежит на моей совести, This weighs on my conscience.)
на совесть— conscientiously (Она на совесть выполнила просьбу, She carefully and diligently fulfilled the request.)
со спокойной совестью— with a quiet/untroubled conscience

9. Скупой платит дважды, тупой платит трижды. Лох платит всюжизнь.
A stingy man pays twice, an idiot pays thrice. A sucker spends his whole life paying.

First, this is really an extended version of the older sayingскупой платит дважды, “a stingy person pays twice” — i.e., buying a cheap made-in-China product may cost you more money in the long run. The wordтупойmeans “dull; blunt” in the context of a knife, or “obtuse” in reference to angles greater than 90°, but “stupid” when you’re talking about a person. (Also, note the nounтупица, “a dimwit,” which looks feminine but is totally unisex and can take either masculine or feminine verbs and adjectives.)

And the slang termлох, from what I’ve been told, originally meant “bumpkin; hick; hayseed”, but now it has the more general meaning of “sucker” in the sense of “an easy target for a con-artist” — regardless of whether the person is from the country or the city. Thus — don’t be penny-wise and pound-foolish, but don’t be plain foolish, and don’t be a dupe for slick sales-talk.

And finally, no list of bumpersticker slogans would be complete without something a bitскверный(“vulgar”). Here’s one that’s rather off-color, but still very good advice:

10.Если тебелизнули зад, не расслабляйся –это смазка!

The verbлизать/лизнутьis “to lick” (imperf.я лижу, ты лижешь; perf.я лизну, ты лизнёшь). The nounзадgenerally means “the rear; the back part”, but here it’s a nicer way of sayingжопа.Расслаблять/расслабитьis literally “to seriously weaken”, but in the reflexive-сяform it can mean “to relax”. Andсмазкаis “grease” or “lubricant”. So the whole thing could be rendered:

When they’re kissing your butt, don’t let your guard down — it’s just for lubrication!

Ouch!